somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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