I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
