4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
