I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
