i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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