She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
