I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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