I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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