As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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