Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize