she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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