come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
