I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
