Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize