Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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