So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
