Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
