I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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