i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Farmville is her only friend.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I need water and some morals
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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