Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
