Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
