I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
