So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
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...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
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It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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