Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
