I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
