if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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