Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
