john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
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I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
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I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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