Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
