I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
