well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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