i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Shame is for Republicans.
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