Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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