Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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