You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
