Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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