so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
