dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
