the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
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I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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