There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
