maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
