I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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