are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
