what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You've changed since you got that strap on
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
