i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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