Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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