the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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