is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
it's like iHOP with fire
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
