Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
