brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
