I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
