He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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