listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
