Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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