he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
