dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
MIDGETS
????
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
