dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
