How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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