Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
