OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
