So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
