Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
