Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
