ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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